if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Randomize
