Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
