ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
