The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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