shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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