That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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