u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
