omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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