i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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