If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
