Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
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