He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
