dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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