for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
