He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
