My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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