Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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