im about as happy as oj after his trial
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
