i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
