Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
