I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
