I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
