I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
