Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
