I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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