Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize
