My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
This baby is an asshole
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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