East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
