dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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