Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
