im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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