And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
