So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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