don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize
