I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
