What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
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