I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
And the cops told us we were all naked.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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