if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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