bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
