Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
