It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
