hotel room ftw
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
