Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
