So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Randomize
