If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
