So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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