I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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