I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
