You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
