I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
