i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
