Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
