so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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