Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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