evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
