I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder meâ€
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