its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
