you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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