I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
