my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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