man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
