she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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