Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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