Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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