I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
