it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Just high enough for therapy.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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