I can text with my tongue
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
