I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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