my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
