It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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