you're like a bully in the Christmas story
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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