if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
