I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
My ass is underappreciated
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
