In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
