He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
