Have you finally orgasmed yet?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
