And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
