To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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